Tell her she can't have a vagina
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
