I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
