She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
