I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
