This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize