Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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