My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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