OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
