So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
