I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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