New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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