Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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