well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
