ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
