we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
