If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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