Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
