maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
