we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
