4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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