I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
