Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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