Buhtt sex?
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
