Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
