I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
