Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
