Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
