Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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