it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
