apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
