Your tits are I can't wait for
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
