My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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