morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
