I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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