that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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