Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
