Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
