Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
