New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
