I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
