Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
