Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
