Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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