Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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