party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
