I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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