from now on my penis is your penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
