I wish i was in the wii world.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
