I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
