I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
