Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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