I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
