is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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