..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
