I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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