We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you had me at cake vodka
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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