Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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