Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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