I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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