My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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