jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found your dick twin last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
