the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
