no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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