They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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