Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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