saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
