you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Less talking, more tequila
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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