We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
