I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
