Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
