That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
